Progress
by Thatdragonrider
Summary: Sasori, a creation, never meant to live wakes up. Not having any memories or experiences, he is forced to learn about the world through the eyes of his roommate, Deidara, another patient in the lab.
1. Chapter 1: On Being Awake

**Hi guys! I actually got this idea whilst I was trying to go to take a nap but it ultimately kept bothering me and it will keep bothering me so here I am. It's different than my other story that I'm also doing so the people who like one might dislike the other. So let's get started, shall we?**

-x-

Sasori:

I was never actually supposed to wake up, at least that's what they told me later. But who's they? It never was made clear to me, not even now, but I think they were what everyone would call _progress_. Blaringly and in your face, as if everything up until this point was fundamentally prehistoric that it was crude to the very essence. Simply because they were _progress_, the future for the visionaries. But I never saw that future. I saw constant present that didn't fit anywhere, the previous day wasn't called past, and the day after wasn't called future. Because I was never supposed to wake up.

But I did. The first sensation I will ever remember was feeling cold. So chilled that I had to open my eyes just to see why I was so cold. It was slow opening my eyes; I didn't know the command at first, so I just kept tugging inwardly on random vague sensations that wouldn't move. Eventually one worked and slowly my eyes began to open. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to open my eyes again that I kept them wide open even when it burned.

I looked straight up because turning my head was another obstacle that I just wasn't ready for. It was a pearly white ceiling, maybe that was my 'white light into the world'. A ceiling.

A face peaked into my view, obscuring the whiteness with human's imperfections. She had short brown hair that lightly brushed her plump pink lips. Her dark eyes wide and thoughtful as she gazed down at me, her eyebrows furrowed, "… are you awake?"

I didn't want to blink, so my eyes just widened even more, both to keep from blinking and as a response. Was I really expected to speak full and complete responses? Maybe, after all they were _progress_, a word I was told repeatedly throughout every and any explanation ever told.

Her eyebrows visibly raised high up her forehead and she was gone from sight, "Lady Tsunade! He's awake!"

"Who's awake, Shizune? A patient? This better be good, I was working on synthetic cell growth and creation." A grumble was heard farther away, getting closer with every word. Soon the previous girl's face popped into view again along with another woman's face. This one was a light blonde with milky brown eyes, a lot colder than the other's eyes. That's okay though, warmth wasn't a sensation I was feeling at the moment. She pushed back the blonde hair that fell over her shoulder with a hand. "Oh my, are you awake?" I didn't respond again cause my eyes couldn't get any wider. "Blink in response if you understand." I understood but I was too afraid to blink, apparently I made a facial expression because her cold face softened. "It's okay; you'll be able to open your eyes again."

I guess that was my first moment of trust I ever felt? It was so miniscule but honestly it felt like I was being held suspended thousands of feet in the air and she was telling me I wouldn't fall. I blinked and much to my happiness I was able to open my eyes.

Both women's' facial expressions became shocked. The blonde murmured, "Hmm… interesting, seems like he's able to understand linguistics enough to respond and even able to feel emotions such as distress. Who knew…" She then looked back at me, "I'm going to help you up, but you're going to sit on your own. Then we're going to talk. Blink if you understand." I blinked, but how would I do what she wanted?

Two warm hands clasped my forearms and hefted me up. She began to let go and I started to lean back. She gripped my arms tighter. "No, sit. At the center of your body is a muscle, tighten the feeling there and you should be able to sit." Funny how when she let go I did what she wanted was able to sit. It was clear now that I was in a lab room, sitting on something akin to a table. "Watch me, when I move follow me with your eyes." She began to move and when I started to lose sight of her I was pleased very much that my head was able to move. Just for good measure I began bobbling my head all around feeling content at the control I was exerting on my body; after all I was sitting and moving my head. Progress.

The brunette to my left laughed lightly bringing a palm to her mouth, "Look, he's enjoying himself."

The blonde grinned too and once again pushed back her hair, this time in thought. "Seems like you're aware of what of vernacular words being spoken to you, now I want you respond." She saw my expression fall and smiled, "Don't worry from what I see it would be more of a surprise if you couldn't speak. Now who are you?"

I opened my mouth and closed it again, only to open it once more. I was testing the feeling. If I pressured the air and formed my thoughts into words then… "Am I somebody?"

The woman's eyes widened but then lowered in a frown she leaned back onto one of the machines behind her. "Before a few minutes ago, no you weren't. I would call you an experiment but we never got that far, a doctor that used to work here named Orochimaru created you then was fired for his illegal experiments, experiments much like yourself. We never picked up brainwaves, honestly soon enough we would dispose of you had you not awoken today." She thoughtfully crossed her arms, "I don't even know of his intentions… maybe it was something of an immortal container or something. He was obsessed with youth." She explained at my confused expression. She sighed and scratched her hair. "I'm not too sure what we should do with you to be frank."

I didn't know how to respond, not because I was sad, just didn't know. The brunette seemed to know though, "Put him with the other patients, Lady Tsunade! It will be great study material on how he can react and the environmental factors that plays a role in progression through human interaction and development."

Tsunade mused this over silently before agreeing she looked back at me. "Let me just run a few tests and we'll take you to your new room." I had no objections so I just sat there as she turned and sifted through the objects and papers on the machine behind her. She pulled out a needle and began attach it to an IV. While she did that the brunette began attaching sensors to my temples. Tsunade came over and stuck the needle in my arm, not even warning me of the pain, probably assuming I wouldn't mind. I didn't, it was a new sensation and I was happy to have felt it. We both watched the blood ink into the IV and could hear the other woman twiddling away at a computer. Once Tsunade was satisfied she pulled out the needle. She leaned over me to get a look at what the lady was doing, nodding to herself as the tapping noises slowed, she began to remove the sensors. "Okay, come along."

She began to walk away but I didn't follow. She turned around, waiting expectantly. "Can I walk?"

She mulled this over before shrugging, "You could do everything else so I don't see why not. Seems to me as if none of your muscles are atrophied, so it would be quite unexpected if your legs were."

That gave me a good enough explanation so I swiveled my feet over the edge and quietly pushed off. I stumbled a little, and maybe those extra movements helped me get used to movement. I righted myself up and looked up at Tsunade who was still patiently waiting. I stumbled a little over to her. She held out her hand that I immediately took. It felt so warm and alive, why didn't I feel like this? Why did I feel so cold? She began slowly leading me out of the lab and down a quiet hall, the only noises from her clacking heels against the smooth and polished floors. Another difference for us, my feet were bare and made no noise.

At the end of the hall was another hall running horizontal, she turned right and began walking down to sealed doors. She pulled up at a tag and held for the door to read; after a green light flashed the doors were pushed open by Tsunade's free hands. Every couple of yards there was a door (this hallway was shorter and the end was a big and open room filled various things) she would read the name tags quietly aloud, "Hidan and Kakuzu… Pein and Konan… Tobi and Zetsu… Itachi and Kisame… ahhh, here, this one only has one resident: Deidara. This will be your new room." Again she used the name tag to open this door. This time she allowed me to open it.

The room was pretty bare except for two beds and a person laying down reading from a book that was held in the air. The boy didn't even look up from our disturbance, "Deidara, this is your new roommate." Tsunade gave my hand a light squeeze before leaving quietly.

The kid finally leaned their head down, looking at me with cool blue eyes. "What's wrong with you, un?" His voice sounded very bored as if he didn't care. It was weird because up until this point everyone cared what was wrong with me. "What do you mean?"

He rolled his eyes before looking back at his book, "I mean what did these people do to you, un? What did they do to make you a freak?" As he spoke I watched him, he had long blond hair that was splayed across his bed and wore light cotton blue shirt and pants. His hands were gauzed up to his mid forearms.

That's when I noticed that he had labeled me, "Is that what I am? A freak?"

He looked back quirking an eyebrow, "Obviously, these geeks wouldn't care otherwise."

I tilted my head in consideration. "Oh, I see."

"Why are you still over there, un? What first time you've talked to someone, un?"

I considered this for a moment, "No, second actually."

His eyes widened and he readjusted himself to where he was propped on his bed. He looked at me with new interest, "What's your name?"

"I was told I didn't have one."

Deidara snorted at this, "Everyone has a name."

"I don't think they expected me to be anybody really."

His eyes narrowed again. This kid sure had a lot of facial expressions, kind of made me envious. "Then you'll be somebody to me. Danna, to show you're important to me."

I cocked my head to the side again, "Am I important?"

Again he snorted and rolled over on his bed to where his back was to me. "You are now."

I nodded slowly as I watched Deidara. He seemed to know what he was doing so I clambered into my own bed, feeling the softness that I've never felt before. To anybody else, even Deidara, it would've felt like a springy mattress. To me it felt like a new and better experience. I snuggled my nose into the bed and tried to close my eyes as he had done. I tried to even out my breathing and go to sleep. I couldn't. Turned out I wasn't capable of sleeping.

-xx-

**Man it's been such a slow Sunday, that all I've done is writing, I definitely feel more comfortable writing this just because of the style. Hopefully I'll update this soon! Maybe sooner if you guys reviewed it. ^_^**

I hope you guys enjoyed it, it's getting late and I have to do chemistry. Reviewing would be great ^_^


	2. Chapter 2: On Being Human

**Hey guys, so I realized that I didn't do a disclaimer and forgot the 'uns' at the end of the conversation. Whoops. Also I want to dedicate this chapter to those who review: AkatsukiYaoifangirl, thank you for being the first to comment and Kathlan315 for just having a super awesome review that put a super grin on my face and for flattering me with the depths you would go through to make me write so I guess I better get started so you aren't forced to find my house, right?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this world, Kishimoto does. Please don't take down my story for the belatedness .**

-xx-

Sasori:

I was sitting across from Deidara on the floor in our room. He kept animatedly telling me about everyone and everything he knew about this place. I watched as his arms kept flailing about in his stories, "Honestly, these ladies make it look like they're being kind but it's just a hoax. We all know that we're their lab rats, un."

I cocked my head to the side, "We?"

Deidara paused, "Un, as in the other patients, Pein and them. Take Hidan for instance. That blonde woman wanted to enhance the healing rate of cells, so what does she do? She injects him with this formula. Now you can cut him and his cells regenerate right before your eyes. It's all experimental though, so we don't know for sure the outcome but she did it anyways, all because it was for the 'future' and 'progress'. What a load of shit, un."

My brows furrowed in thought, "Am I a lab rat?"

He nodded vigorously, "Mhmm, you wouldn't get the five star treatment otherwise, un."

I showed my confusion that I was feeling, "Five Stars?"

"It's a more colorful way of saying you're one of the main shows for them, un."

I didn't really understand all his expressions but I had asked enough questions for now. Deidara resumed his speech, "Anyways don't trust them. There's something off about the way they're willing to use people in experiments, un."

"What if they tell me not to trust you? Then who do I listen to?"

Deidara looked at me carefully before suddenly asking, "Do you they care whether you live or not?"

I thought about this for a moment, "They told me I wasn't supposed to be alive."

"But now if you die, what do you think they'd do, un?"

"Probably nothing."

Deidara nodded, "Exactly. Does that answer your question?"

I gazed at him for a moment. I didn't really expect them to do anything about my death after all this was a lab but the way he made it sound like was that it was it went much deeper than that. Maybe that's what feelings did for people? I nodded.

Deidara nodded to himself and absentmindedly ran his fingers through his long hair as he thought. From behind me there was a click and I heard footsteps. Deidara's face instantly went into a cold and blank mask, surprising me as he was so alive moments before. I looked behind me in curiosity to see the brunette lady from before smiling warmly. "Hello Deidara and uhm…" Her face got awkward and apologetic as she realized she didn't have a name for me.

I looked back at Deidara but he sat there frozen and passive. I turned again, "Danna." I supplied her.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Danna? Is that your name?"

I nodded. "He is a person, un. People have names." Deidara surprised both of us by hissing out. We both looked back at him. He was glaring at her, not even glancing at me. I didn't understand what emotion I was feeling when I heard him say that but suddenly I felt content. I reached out and grabbed his clothed hand giving his warm palm a squeeze, Tsunade had done this to me and so far this was the only physical contact and nice gesture I knew of, I wanted him to know I was thankful for giving me that feeling. Deidara looked at me quickly, the fire in his eyes never dying but his face was no longer as stony. He squeezed back and having not let go, he glared back up at the woman.

She bit her lower lip, trying not to break eye contact, "You're right people do have names. I'm sorry."

I smiled up at her. "There's nothing to apologize for. I understand my circumstances."

Deidara's hand tightened around mine but I didn't look back at him. She raised her eyebrows and nodded mutely, "Right, I was just coming to let you guys out; the others are already out and have started to eat. Afterwards I'll come and get you… uh, Danna, and take you to Tsunade for a few questions to check on your progress." She fidgeted a little under Deidara's glare, "Okay, so I'll just leave this door open so you can go for yourselves." She walked out of the room.

I looked back at Deidara questioningly, "Why lock the door before if she'll leave it open now."

He stood up, effectively breaking our hand holding and scowled at the doorway, "These are the hours we have permitted to socialize, un. Come on, Danna, you get to meet the other freaks." He started to walk away and I had to scramble up following him out the door.

He turned down the hall to the way of the loud noises and I followed. After a few doors the hall opened up to a room. There was a large table with people and a bunch of different things such as a piano and a T.V with a console next to a couch, and a paint canvas. Deidara walked over to the table and sat at seat with an empty one next to it. Quietly I sat next to him gazing at everyone curiously. Everyone looked so different at the head of the table was a ginger with purple ringlet eyes and piercings. On his right was a blue haired woman who sat quietly with her hands folded neatly on the table. Next to her was a long raven haired guy with red, cool eyes and next to him a tall blue person with beady black eyes and scars much like gills on his face who was talking enthusiastically to the quiet raven. On the other side of the table sat two other tall and muscular people, one with slicked back silver hair and light purple eyes and the other a scarred man with a mask and green eyes surrounded by crimson red. Next to them sat an orange masked kid who was loudly chirping to a bored guy that was half black and half white with green spikey hair.

"Yo, blondie, who's the fucking child with you?" The man with the slicked back silver hair asked, looking up from his heated discussion with the other man. He raised his cup to his mouth. His loud bellow was rather unwelcoming to my ears and I cringed slightly.

Deidara didn't seem to mind as he looked up from the gathering of his food, "He's Danna, un."

The man spluttered out his drink, "As in master?! What the fuck?"

Deidara plopped back in his chair, having gotten all his food. He looked up glowering at him, "Un. Hidan, I'm surprised you actually know the meaning. Good for you, is Kakuzu going to give you a treat now?"

"Shut the fuck up!" He barked at the same time as the mask man murmured, "Careful, Deidara."

Deidara seemed unaffected and looked over at me, "Hidan is basically Kakuzu's lap dog. Anyways you should get some food as well."

I looked at everything on the table, "I don't know what to eat."

Hidan laughed from across the table, "Ha, as if that matters, nothing's fucking edible here anyways. It's all just shit in your mouth."

"I don't understand." Was I actually about to eat feces?

Hidan's jaw dropped, his eyes sliding from me to Deidara, "Is your master fucking retarded?"

Deidara's hand gripped his fork tightly, "Shut up, Hidan! You don't understand him so stop being a judgmental prick! He's here just like us, so show him some fucking courtesy."

"Yeah, Hidan, look at him, he's scared." The blue haired woman spoke up. Was I afraid? I looked around the table again. Everyone was peculiar looking but I didn't feel scared. At least I didn't believe I did.

"I'm not scared; I just don't like his voice. It hurts my ears."

From beside me Deidara's mouth opened in delight before he began doubling over in laughter. Hidan gazed at me with a flabbergasted expression, too shocked to laugh.

The blue guy chuckled loudly too, "Damn, Hidan. That was quite the nice burn from the little guy."

I looked up at him at the same time Hidan barked, "Eat shit, Kisame."

"I thought we all were?" He was smirking at the other.

I looked over at Deidara who was wiping the corner of his eyes, "I was being serious."

Deidara looked down at me before grabbing my plate and shoving food on it, "I know, un. That's what made it so hilarious." He put my plate in front of me before going back to his food.

He had gotten me a chicken breast and bread roll and much like his own plate had steered clear of the vegetables. I grabbed the roll in my hand before nibbling on the end. It didn't really taste like anything but I didn't mind. Once again, I was just happy to taste anything. The chicken didn't really have any flavor either; it was just rougher and drier than the bread.

After I finished I glanced up, most of everyone had left, the only ones still at the table were me, Deidara, the ginger haired boy and the girl who were talking silently to each other. Deidara tapped my shoulder. "Come on." He got up and I followed him.

He walked over to the piano and sat at the bench, patting the area beside him when I didn't immediately join him. I sat down next to him looking at the smooth surface of the keys of the piano. Deidara's left hand started to experimentally press lightly on the keys, playing slow and low notes. The noise vibrated and filled the air. It was a rather pretty sound.

"Once you touch the keys it makes a noise but it's gone the next second. Only a memory of it before you hit the same key. That's true beauty: the fleeting moment of it all, un." He murmured his hand beginning to go faster. The sounds were becoming lower and more emotional. Only I didn't know the emotion.

"Is beauty fleeting?"

He didn't look up, only slowed in his playing, "Un. That's what art is: a fleeting moment."

I chewed thoughtfully on my lower lip, "I don't think I'm beautiful then. Tsunade said something about me being an immortal container."

Deidara looked up sharply, "Don't listen to her, Danna. You're a person. People aren't eternal, un."

I looked down at the keys, still memorized by the beautiful noise it was making, "Is it really that bad not being human?"

"No, it's bad that they don't consider you human."

"But what if that's what I am? Not human?"

Deidara' hands smoothed to a stop, "Danna, play." He ordered.

"I don't know how to."

He shook his head. "That doesn't matter. Just touch the keys you want to."

I gazed down at the piano before unskillfully touching the higher noted keys. The noise wasn't as beautiful as Deidara's but soon he joined in with his mesmerizing sounds. His were once again deeper and smother. Surprisingly his smoother notes contrasted well with my cruder notes, like a twisted rose. After a few moments I began tapping the keys quicker, his fingers quickening in unison. The sound once again was invitingly dancing through the air. Throughout the song I was aware but I didn't know of what. Maybe it was the feeling of the smooth keys or the unexplainable feeling coming off of Deidara, the undertone in his music.

Time seemed to stop as we played but he slowed down eventually until there was no longer any noise but the final notes being slowly played. He looked at me with a cloudy gaze, "Did you hear it, Danna? The way you were invested into the music, responding to my own? Empty containers don't do that, un. So I refuse to believe what they're telling you. There's something inside you that you don't know of yet, that they don't know of."

I looked down, for the first time avoiding his gaze. His eyes were glassy but his voice held such a conviction that I never heard of. It gave me a light feeling in my stomach that I never felt before. "But that didn't feel fleeting to me. It felt never ending."

"Eternity within a moment, un, it felt like a long time but think back on it, Danna. Does it feel so eternal now? Having ended, does thinking about it not make you wistful at how it seemed to end quickly?"

I opened my mouth to respond before I heard a cough over my shoulder. It was Tsunade's helper again. She smiled warmly, "Ready?"

I nodded absentmindedly, sliding off of the stool. I still felt a little fuzzy and out of it at the conversation with Deidara so I didn't really know I was back in the lab until I heard Tsunade's voice, "So you have a name?"

I nodded as I sat back on the table from which I awoke on.

"Was it a name given to you or something you remembered?" She was gazing at me analytically and after Deidara's emotional gazes it made me feel different than before. Was it disappointment? Probably not, but I couldn't name the feeling, only that I felt different.

"Deidara gave it to me."

"So there's still no recollection? If there is anything to recollect that is..." I flinched at her words. She paused, "Is something wrong?"

Was there? Deidara had said all those words on me being human but Tsunade had said things as well, things that was the exact opposite from his. But which one do I believe in? I was awake for only a day and already I felt confused, I didn't like it. The numbness from before was preferable, this was scary. Once again I didn't know what would happen. If it was off of which one I wanted to believe in then it was Tsunade's, after all Deidara felt and he mostly felt hurt. I shook my head, "There's nothing wrong."

Tsunade nodded to herself, "Shizune also says you talk with your roommate. What do you talk about?" I glanced over at Shizune who was recording with a camera in hand.

"Whatever he wants to talk about, mostly he talks about this place and the people. Sometimes he talks about me."

She nodded, still passive. "What does he say about us, me and Shizune?"

"He tells me not to trust you. He says you're lying and is using him and the others and you're bound to be using me as well."

She didn't seem bothered by it, merely jotted some more notes down. "Do you believe him?"

I looked down at my hands, quiet for a moment. After the pause I spoke again, had I been awake for longer maybe I would've felt a little more reluctant to speak my thoughts, but the reluctance didn't come until later. "I don't know."

She paused nodding to herself before looking up from her writings, "And how do you feel about him?"

"I don't know that either."

"Okay and lastly: Any new discoveries?"

I relaxed a little, not that it showed on the outside. "I can't sleep."

She made a face to herself before looking up at me, finally putting down her notebook. "Basically, from your questions it seems that you are unsure, but that's actually is progress. It shows that you're beginning to actually feel and tie those feelings to certain people. As for the not being able to sleep, we'll check up on this for the next week and see if this affects you in any physical or mental way as well. Any questions?"

I thought about it before responding, "How do I understand you so well? But when someone says something strange it comes up confusing to me?"

This seemed to actually interest her as she furrowed her brows and thought, "Maybe it's that you were created with the English language built in but you haven't progressed mentally enough to be able to understand figurative language, much like a child can't."

Again, I was created. How could Deidara tell me I was human when humans were born? How could I begin to believe him when I was sitting on the table that I woke up on? Feeling cold, when he felt so warm. Humans grew up. I progressed.

-XX-

**Okay so I finished this finally! I kept listening to Simple Plan- This Song Saved My Life while I wrote this, fitting don't you think? So Sasori is actually beginning to feel emotions that he doesn't understand, especially to Deidara and his words however this is scaring him ;-; Hopefully soon he begins to get control of his feelings cause that'd be fun right?**

**So what do you guys think? Review/follow/favorite if you think this is good enough to. It really does make my day!**


	3. Chapter 3: On Disney and Dreaming

**So I actually uploaded a different third chapter, if some of you guys read that, then whoops, but that felt _really_ fast paced. It'll come out… eventually, but not for at least a couple chapters. Which means I have to start all over, yay *sarcasm***

**Oh yeah, I guess I never really mentioned their ages but Sasori has the body of a 16 year old and Deidara just turned 17, so these two are the youngest of the characters.**

**Right, so Melloschocolatecake reviewed and since I unfortunately couldn't respond to it in PM, here's your response, my lovely follower: Thank you, I love when people love my stories, who wouldn't? Anyways, yeah I mean in this story that's their position. Like it isn't the Joker and Bellatrix running around claiming they're made of 100% killed kittens and dying childhood dreams, and don't get me wrong I love he clear and concise powerful, crazed bad guy as much as the next person, but they're definitely still the bad voice of reason in Sasori's head and basically the cause for trauma within Deidara and the others. And yeah, Orochimaru was just kinda ehh, less appealing as this position in my story (and to write about, sorry Orochimaru fans), glad you like it and mentioned it!**

**Anyways let's begin, Disclaimer: Don't own**

**Warning you now, this is basically a filler, but it has Sasori progressing in his thoughts, right? So don't expect too much right here.**

-xx-

Sasori:

"This is the book, un." Deidara paused, "well… it's more of a magazine, but it's the closest you'll get to one here." He shook his head in distaste and continued flipping through the pages.

We were both sitting on the floor hunched over as he was showing me the magazine he had been reading last night when I came in with Tsunade. It was a magazine about arts and crafts with different styles and projects. He paused on a page with a giant dragon made of clay. He pointed enthusiastically, "Look, Danna, look! I can do this, better even! I'm quite the sculptor, un." He nodded pleased with his memory of his own sculptures.

I gazed down at the impressive artwork silently for a few moments before looking back into his glowing eyes. "Is it easy?"

He vigorously shook his head, seeming offended at my question, "Never! Artwork is never easy, un…. At least good ones…. The ones that matter…" And he could've gone on forever, maybe he did, but I stopped listening because on the page next to that was a big wooden puppet, propped out next to carving tools and paint. The puppet was grinning out at me.

"Is that hard as well?"

"What?" Deidara paused in his rant on the artistic talent needed for molding clay He glanced down quickly at the page I was pointing to and snorted derisively, "You mean puppet making? I guess… I mean no one really makes puppets, except creepy people, un."

I knotted my brow, still staring at the puppet, "Why only creepy people?"

Deidara shrugged, clearly not interested in the puppet like I was, "You have to be creepy to be able to stand having those puppets look at you all the time, un." The eyes? I looked at the realistic yet glassy green eyes and thought about for a moment. I could stand the eyes watching me.

He shook his head, dismissing the entire page with the puppet, once again pointing at the clay work, "This, Danna, this is the real art! I could use to make it explode, un."

I finally glanced up from the puppet in confusion. Wasn't art meant to be preserved? That sounded more of how it was supposed to be… "Why?"

He grinned down at me, "Art is fleeting! There for a moment and then forgotten, un!" This sounded like when he was talking to me about a human's life span and beauty which made me think again of me not being what Deidara wanted me to be. I shook my head in a childish attempt to clear my head. He paused looking at me, smirking, "Tired, Danna?"

I shook my head looking back with owl eyes, "I can't sleep." This caught his attention and his smile slipped as he thought about my answer.

"You mean never?"

I shrugged, "It would appear so, I told this to Tsunade and she told me that she would keep an eye on what it does to me and what this means."

Deidara snorted, looking away in annoyance, "Of course she's going to examine it, Danna." I watched his tight mouth and slightly furrowed brow, not really knowing how to respond or if I even should respond. After all didn't this topic hurt him?

So we sat there in silence for a few moments only interrupted by a loud chirp at our now opened door, "Deidara Sempai, we're having a Disney movie marathon!"

Deidara snapped his head towards our door and I followed with my head going slower. The one with the mask from earlier was inside our room jumping up and down in one spot with bubbling enthusiasm. Was a Disney movie really that good? But how was he here in the first place? I looked back at Deidara not understanding, "I thought they lock the doors?"

Deidara grimaced, "They do, un. Tobi's mutation is he can go through objects. They tried the experiment dubbed 'Ghosting Molecules' on him. It was successful in its own rights… just I dunno messed up his mind. He's reverted back to a kid." He looked down at me peculiarly, "Kind of like you."

I thought about this for a moment, once more looking at Tobi who was still as excited as when he first got here, complaining on how Deidara hadn't hurried up. He didn't seem like me, not in the slightest. "I don't think I act like him." I murmured slightly taken aback at the enthusiasm that I wasn't used to, I had been at the table with him twice today, but he didn't seem nearly as loud then.

Deidara nodded in agreement, slightly cringing at Tobi's enthusiasm and noise, "You're more of the melancholy version of him."

I nodded slowly, still watching Tobi who now ran over to Deidara and grabbed his arm, yanking him up. Deidara hissed in annoyance as the magazine flew out of his hand. Tobi began lugging Deidara after him. I slowly followed them to the couch where everyone was waiting, most of them looking bored and tired since it was late in the night. Deidara shoved Tobi's hand off of his wrist and sat on the floor at the base of the couch. He looked back up at me and patted a spot next to him. Stepping over Kisame I made my way to Deidara. During this time Tobi had frantically turned off the lights and was now thrusting the disk into the TV. He loudly made his way to Zetsu's side where he sat.

The TV sparked to life and I leaned in curious. It was weird, I knew what a movie was and what a TV was but experiencing it was different. Much like the being mesmerized by the piano, I was captivated as I watched scenes on the small screen flicker brightly and then darkly. Deidara looked at me with a light smirk on his lips, "Excited, Danna?" However I didn't respond as the blue castle sparked to life, followed closely by the title _Aladdin_.

Throughout the entire movie my fascination never left. I kept slowly leaning more as Aladdin ran around on the screen. The characters were so animated in what they were doing and I was so enthralled that I didn't even realize I was smiling. When the song _A Whole New World_ came on something inside me felt fuzzy at the words and felt a connection if one existed in those days to me. I was living in a whole new world and everything was different and so new that I never really had explanations except for 'different' and 'curiosity'. But who was showing me this whole new world? I glanced back at Deidara who sat with his knees up to his chest and his head resting on his palm, his face bored. His facial features kept flickering in the darkness from the light of the changing screen which made his face all that more interesting to look at. His eyes flickered to my direction and he jumped lightly in surprise at catching me staring at him. Slowly a tired smile graced his features. I smiled back without thinking about it before looking back at the movie.

The movie finished and for a moment the only sound I heard was Tobi's clapping. Then Hidan spoke in a puff of annoyance, "Well that was fun watching Red's head." I looked back in confusion but him and Kakuzu were already hopping off the couch and heading to the hallway, "Well we're off to go sleep." Everyone but Tobi and Deidara murmured their agreements and got up, leaving as well.

I swiveled my head in disappointment to look at Deidara but he was sleeping with his head resting on the couch behind him and his hands still folded on his knees. But Tobi wasn't as fazed as I was by the disappearance of everyone; he was already putting in another movie gushing out words I never caught. I scooted back to my original spot next to Deidara, surprised that I had moved during the movie. This movie too began the same was at the last but it was _Hercules_. Again I was enchanted by the movie and the innocence of the characters that just seemed to radiate motivation. During this movie too I kept leaning in subconsciously, especially once Meg died. I didn't feel sadness but I felt confusion and disappointment at her death and when Hercules went into the pool of the Fates I kept following his movement with my head and frantic eyes. I felt like I was devouring the entire plot with my eyes.

The credits rolled and I turned to Tobi almost hungrily, expecting and looking forward to another movie but he too was fast asleep, curled up in a ball on the couch. Sighing, I looked away in disappointment; I wasn't too sure where Tobi kept pulling these movies out of and probably wouldn't be able to work the TV on my own. The songs and their tunes kept playing through my head and I remembered the piano. I got up and my way over and sat at the stool. I experimentally played some keys, finding them out of tune but similar to the song in my head. I went higher on the keyboard and to my pleasure the tune was correct. Throughout the night I continued working on the song and after a long while the tunes started becoming less crude and flowed together. After a long period I lost track of time all together.

I wasn't brought back to my senses until I felt someone sit on the stool next me; I looked up, slowing in my playing. Deidara was rubbing his eyes tiredly and yawning. After he was awake enough he glanced over at me with a tired and puzzled look on his face, "Was that _Go the Distance_?" He yawned again. My fingers stopped completely and I nodded, looking at him silently. He nodded his head and looked away ruffling his hair, "That explains the dreams of Hercules tugging me after him in a track race, un."

I lowered my gaze, feeling thoughtful and fuzzy, "Is it fun?"

Deidara's hand stopped in their movement from combing through his hair. He cocked his head to the side, "Is what fun?"

"Dreams" I looked down wistfully at my keyboard. I would never have a dream. I would never experience anything but reality. However somehow that was okay because this didn't really always feel like a reality. Not always. But just the thought of living something that wasn't real and in a trance didn't make any sense to me.

He shrugged nonchalantly, "Sometimes. Not here, generally. But before I was here it usually was. Sometimes there were nightmares and that was never fun. For the most part here I don't really have dreams, un."

"Do you feel in dreams?"

Again he shrugged, "Emotions. Not anything physical though, like I could get punched but wouldn't feel it. Or I wouldn't feel cold in a snow storm." I slowly nodded, lost in thought at his explanation. It was kind of unimaginable because if I was to think of it, it was the opposite for me. I felt everything, every sensation of touch, smell, sound, and taste but emotions were kind of dulled to me. They were slowly being born, but not as fast as my physical world around me.

Deidara looked curiously at me for a moment with a hidden feeling in his blue eyes, "Don't worry, Danna. You're not missing anything. To dream in here, it's just a big tease and when you wake up it's painful."

I cocked my head to the side, "Because you felt pain in your dream?"

His eyes became glassy and I could tell he was distancing himself because he was going to feel pain at these words, "No, because you felt happy." And there wasn't anything I could say to that.

-xx-

**Okay, so that was basically a filler chapter, things will start picking up in two chapters or so, the one that I originally had for this. I actually wasn't going to write because my sister has been pestering me to finish the book, but not updating a chapter for this week seemed like such a waste and would keep bothering me, so here I am!**

**Review and stuff you guys cause I love reviews and stuff**


	4. Chapter 4: On Perfection

**Hey there again, did you do something different cause you look fantastic. Hahaha, kidding… about the smooth talking not you looking fantastic… hmm, right, let's stop while I'm ahead. So apparently I had lied when I said I was going to upload Saturday, but I was so insanely busy and just got home just now, so this is the first thing I'm doing…**

**Another person reviewed who I can't PM so to the lovely DevaLord: I am thrilled you're liking it so far, it makes this writing process just that much more fun :) I keep having to flip between word and the internet to see your question so hang with me for a moment, Sasori is a creation, not an amnesiac; however the body he inhabits was that of a kid (16 year old), which later causes him some confusion with memories that isn't his, but that's not where his knowledge comes from but we'll get into that later. Orochimaru, his creator had hay wired his knowledge, which is why he isn't surprised by much things but doesn't really get concepts as well as someone who otherwise would have. Did this make any sense? It's kinda hard to really explain this out of context of the story, so if it's confusing, it will make more sense later. Thanks for reviewing! ^_^**

Let's begin?

-xx-

Sasori:

"What do you do when you're supposed to respond to something but don't really know how to respond?" I asked, honestly curious. I was met by an exasperated tilted head, with his mouth open slightly in question.

"The fuck I know. Deidara, your fucking master is asking fucking questions again, make him stop." Hidan snapped, turning halfway to look at the couch where Deidara was hidden behind. We were on the floor with Kakuzu, after not knowing how to respond to Deidara that morning the question kept pestering me until I had to ask someone. I had asked Kisame, since he was one of the few names that I knew and since I didn't want to ask Hidan, however Kisame had specifically ordered me to ask Hidan with a smirk I didn't quite get at the time. After sitting down and asking I think I wasn't actually supposed to get an actual answer from Hidan.

Deidara sleepily popped his head up from the back of the couch, glaring groggily at Hidan, "Stop being a jackass, he's just curious, un." His head disappeared again.

Hidan snorted and looked away from Deidara and at me, a sneer on his face. "Listen, if you have something to say just fucking say, say it if not don't. If you hurt someone's feeling in the process then all the better." I looked at him, not really trusting his words. I didn't know a lot but I knew that much was wrong.

From his side Kakuzu growled, "Hidan, if your advice sucks then don't give it."

Hidan looked at him indignantly, "My advice doesn't fucking suck!"

"It's absolute shit. You-" I got up from the floor and walked away, not really caring to listen to those two. Especially Hidan, his bellows were crude and I didn't like it at all. I looked around not really seeing anything of interest and sighed, was this boredom? We couldn't go anywhere and there was nothing to do here... I glanced back at the couch where Deidara was napping before looking back around. I couldn't even sleep away my boredom. There was the ginger haired boy and the girl at the table playing cards, Kisame was conversing with his roommate and Tobi and his roommate were nowhere to be seen.

Nothing really stood out until I saw the painting canvas in the corner. I had just seen Deidara's magazine last night so I was instantly drawn to it. Silently I walked over and stopped when I stood in front of it. There were five colors of paint (red, yellow, white, black, and blue) and a couple of brushes. Curious, I grabbed a brush and dipped it into the black and began smearing it on the canvas, the line curving and thick, I dipped it in again and continued painting the figure. I felt light and focused solely on painting, feeling calm and thoughtful. I was no longer curious about painting; instead I was captivated by watching my hands create artwork. I didn't exactly understand why painting made me feel the way that it did, but it did.

I dipped my brush in yellow and began to paint with it as well. I stopped once the line I had made was a horrid mixture of yellow and black, messing up my painting. I frowned, feeling disappointment at my own failure. Why did it do that?

"You're supposed to wash the brush, un." I jumped slightly turning around to see Deidara standing behind me sleepily rubbing his face.

I turned back to my painting, my frown deepening as I looked at it, "I ruined it."

Deidara stepped to where he was standing right by my side and studied the painting, sluggishly tilting his head to the side to look at it. From my peripheral I saw his head shake, "No, it can be easily covered, un."

"But it won't be perfect." I murmured, more to myself than to him.

He glanced over in surprise, "What? No, you didn't. Art doesn't work that way. It's not about being perfect. It's about being unique and mistakes make it unique, un."

I held my gaze on the artwork thinking about it. Wasn't art beauty? Mistakes weren't beautiful… were they? That line didn't look pretty to me and anyone could mess up, right? So wouldn't it to be truly unique it should be perfect? That sounded right. I shook my head, "I don't agree."

"What? Danna, you really believe that for it to be good enough then it has to be perfect?" I thought about this for a moment, not his question itself as I knew the answer but the meaning behind the question because with Deidara I was beginning to realize that there was always a hidden meaning.

However, I couldn't come up with the hidden message so I carefully shook my head slowly. "No… just art." I looked back down at the paints thoughtfully.

Deidara regarded me for a moment before dipping his finger. I turned to look at him, waiting for one of his explanations but when I turned he smeared the paint across my nose and down my cheek. I blinked in surprise looking up at his burning blue eyes, "Whoops, I made a mistake, un."

I softly touched the area and pulled back my fingers to see my fingertips were blue, "That wasn't a mistake. You did it on purpose." Didn't he? It looked like he did.

He shrugged, "No, it was an accident. But-" He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I think you look better that way." He leaned back and watched my reaction. At first I was blank before realizing something, not what he wanted me to realize but it made my breath hitch in my throat.

"Deidara, what do I look like?" I hadn't seen myself once, not when I was in the lab and not when I was with him. Nothing was very reflective here and until just now I had been curious about everything but what I looked like, now that he was saying I looked better this way, it made me realize that I couldn't disagree or agree. All I knew was that I had red hair and the skin that I could see was pale but besides that my own appearance was a mystery.

Deidara tilted his head, looking me over, chewing on his lip thoughtfully. "You're probably the most attractive person here. Not saying much since a lot of people here are weird looking but still, even out there you'd be considered beautiful."

I shook my head. "That wasn't what I meant. What's my eye color? What do I look like? Do I look like everyone else? Anything distinguishable?" _Am I one of you guys?_ That part was silent though and it would remain silent. I leaned into him to where our faces were inches apart, just in case he couldn't see me as well farther back.

He studied me once again before pursing his lips, "Again if there was something distinguishable about you it would be that you're really beautiful. Everything's just different, I guess. Not Kisame or Zetsu different, but the good type. You're eyes are heavily lidded, chocolate eyes and your hair is blood red and crazy, but still nice. You actually look like a doll now that I think about it, un… Why have you not seen yourself before?" I vigorously shook my head, feeling unnerved that I had to take his word that that's what I looked like and I wouldn't know if he was lying. Not that he would, but still. I needed to see myself.

I looked around, still not seeing anything that could allow me to see myself before looking back at the easel and then down at the extra canvases. I looked back at Deidara who looked slightly concerned and tugged on his shirt at it's stomach, "Paint a picture of me."

"What?"

"Paint me. I need to see for myself." My hand tightened into a fist around his shirt. He grabbed my hand and tried to detangle it from his shirt but I didn't let go. His brow furrowed.

"Why are you freaking out all of a sudden? Why now?"

I paused, realizing what I was doing and let go, but still gazed at him with an expression that was the closest to pleading as I could get. "Please?"

He sighed and covered his face with both his hands, before tiredly nodding. "Fine. Just sit still so I can't properly paint you, un." I smiled brightly, to which he looked away from. He crossed over to the easel and replaced my canvas with a new one. He stared at it for a few moments before brushing his hair behind his shoulders and looking back at me. He picked up a brush and began painting me, every now and again glancing back at me. It wasn't hard to sit still; I didn't really have the nervous twitches that sometimes they showed so I sat there, gazing at him when he gazed at me.

After awhile he huffed out a breath and set the brush down, taking a step back. "Finished." I peaked over his shoulder at the artwork. I couldn't say whether or not he was correct but it was exactly how he described me, down to the eyes. However I was caught off guard by my facial expression, it wasn't like the ones that I've seen all around me, it was something else entirely. My face was blank besides the eyes. The eyes sparkled but not from happiness, at least that's how it looked. These eyes sparkled from something entirely different and more raw. I looked at for a really long time, silent, my eyes never leaving the pictures. By my side, Deidara seemed content to stay there still and silent.

"Danna, it's time." I jumped once again, pulled out of my thoughts. I looked behind me, Shizune stood there smiling deftly. Mutely I looked back at the painting then slowly at Deidara. His hard eyes held mine for a few moments before I looked away and followed silently after Shizune who had began walking away already. She took me to the lab like always.

Inside Tsunade was tapping away at a computer. She looked up and after acknowledging us with indicating for me to sit at my table, she finished her work and walked over to me. By this time I had settled myself back on the seat, feeling my stomach clench. Last time I was here, I left confused and slightly hurt but not physically, which was a new concept, one that I didn't want to get familiar with.

"So, how are you holding up not sleeping? Any differences?" She asked as she pulled out few examining equipment. She pulled out a small flashlight and started to jot things down.

I scowled against the glare of the light, "No, I'm fine, I believe." She nodded, already pulling out a needle and sticking it in my forearm. I didn't even wince, just watched as the blood flowed into the phial.

"Any new thoughts?" She asked as she pulled the needle out and examined it.

"Can I see what I look like?"

She glanced up in surprise, "Why?" Her why was different than Deidara's. They both wanted to know why but hers wasn't actually curious about my reasoning more as she wanted notes to jot down, to see how far I have progressed.

"I want to see what I look like. Isn't that normal for… people?" I asked, hesitantly using the word. She thought about it for a moment, probably on the same page of thoughts as me. It was normal for people, but I wasn't a person was I?

Shizune handed me a mirror. I blinked in surprise; I hadn't seen her get it or really paid attention to her but I did reach for the mirror and took from her hands. My hand shook a little as I took a deep breathe before peaking hesitantly at my reflection. My breath got caught in my throat. I looked how Deidara painted me. Even the eyes. The eyes were the same and that made my stomach clench again.

"What do you think of when you see yourself?" Tsunade asked evenly.

I wordlessly handed the mirror back to Shizune before I responded, "I look like you guys but I look different at the same time."

"What do you mean?"

"My eyes are different." I answered numbly.

"They're just heavily lidded. You haven't seen anyone here with those eyes but it's not alienating."

I shook my head, "That's not what I meant… I mean you guys have expressions in your eyes, even when it's a colder expression… mine is different. I don't hold the same expression."

Tsunade watched me silently for a moment, "That's because you're different. You shouldn't expect to think like someone who has actually been alive for multiple years. You've been awake for three days. Your experiences are different." I remained quiet, just staring at the different machines in the room. "Is this not the answer you wanted?" She asked after a moment.

I shook my head, my hands moving to rest on the cool table surface and I began dangling my feet, "There wasn't a specific answer I wanted."

"Then why are you quiet?"

"Do people still respond if they have nothing to say?" I asked curiously still looking around the room and not at her. Everywhere but at her.

"No, they don't but it would help if you answered everything, even things that you don't have a specific response to. We are having an observation right now."

My hands clenched at the table, "Is everything I do for this experiment?" I asked, not hesitant. Maybe Deidara was affecting me this way, but Deidara had mentioned this topic.

"Why would it be for anything else?" I glanced up slowly, feeling very numb and very cold. Her eyes were void of emotion. Pure fact, just like her words. Deidara had said their kindness was only so I could be observed but it wasn't kindness they ever showed, sympathy the first day but not kindness. However from the start I knew I wasn't expecting kindness from the people here.

"Deidara seems to think so." From behind Tsunade, Shizune bit her lip, however Tsunade seemed unaffected. She placed down her papers and pen and brushed back her hair.

"Deidara and the other patients were born outside of here. However you awoke here, an already designed and prepared experiment. What happens now, it's what you choose of it, but it's important to remember: you were an experiment before you awoke. You were made to help and progress the knowledge of human growth as well as environmental factors and their affects. The fact that you have these doubts because Deidara has the same doubts, shows the fact that your environmental factors are affecting you at a high rate. See how we didn't do anything and you've been living your life, yet we were still able to observe what you have done?" I nodded slowly and she continued, "Please understand that what you do helps us in our studies, it was the purpose for your design."

I nodded slowly, "I understand. I apologize then."

She shook her head, "Don't, you were being affected, just as we wanted to see, so this helps as well."

"I understand." I answered, because I didn't have anything else to say. But I did understand. I now understood what bothered me about my eyes before. The emotion in my eyes was that of one who wanted to understand things but weren't sure if they had a reason to. However my eyes would change because I now knew I didn't have a reason to, just that this feeling was expected of me. Questing was expected but an actual life wasn't, not the one that Deidara had wanted at least. That's okay, I'd rather it me than him anyways.

-xx-

**Okay, FINALLY I HAVE FINISHED. Oh my god, I've been trying to write with writer's block for over five hours. Oh my. But yeah so I actually have the next chapter written for the first time ever, so yay. ^_^**

**Also I have officially been writing for a month now and I love it and it's all thanks to you guys, so thanks, my people of the internet. Wooh for 1 month anniversary.**

**So please review, and if you think it's good enough then follow or favorite because I definitely feel more motivated to write when you guys do this stuff, right? Until next time then.**


	5. Chapter 5: On Being Broken

**So I didn't upload at all last week for any of my stories, and since the others still have yet to be written I thought I thought I might as well upload this before B&R on Friday. Sorry ^_^**

**You are all fantastic, special thanks to both melloschocolatecake and Koryandrs for their awesomeness on reviewing last chapter. This is to you guys especially, and all the rest of you guys as well who… hmm… I have the strange urge to give you guys a nickname… or a reference… maybe my fellow patients, because from some of the requests I've gotten I can tell you guys aren't totally there. Which don't take it offensively, it makes me love you guys 100xs more. Seriously. Everyone gives out internet cookies, but I'm feeling wizard wands are just better in every aspect except edibleness. Yes, here's my wands… wait what the hell am I writing? Anyways going on…**

**This is a little fast pace, but this isn't the climax, more like a beginning bump, so keep that in mind, ok? Ready for the confusion and turmoil of these two cause I know I am! Wooh!**

-xx-

Sasori:

I opened the door to my room. Deidara was sitting on his bed, tugging close a knot in the gauze on his arm with his teeth. He glanced up at me, gave a final tug then spat it out and placed his arm in his lap, "What did she talk to you about?" He asked bluntly.

Maybe it was backtracking to everyone around me, but it was comfortable. The feeling of Deidara telling me that I was human was more painful than Tsunade's words that I wasn't. Being human meant you felt emotions, so when I heard his words I began to question things that didn't have answers but when Tsunade told me otherwise… that feeling was like when I woke up: fear of not being able to breathe but not at having to have a reason to. Humans needed reason and that just wasn't something I was given. So when he asked me this, I didn't have a confused answer like I had for Tsunade, "She asked about my time awake." It was equally blunt.

He looked at me for a second, his eyes narrowing, "There's more, un."

I cocked my head to the side, not understanding his implications, "No, I don't think I'd really be able to answer anything else."

He vigorously shook his head. "That's not what I meant. It's like before, but different. Before you were ignorant…" He looked at me oddly, subtly leaning in, "… now it's like you're forcing yourself to be ignorant."

Oh, that's what he meant. I looked at him silently for a while, before responding, I sat down in front of the now closed doors. I curled my knees up onto my chest and rested my chin there, "Nothing new, I don't think." This was the nicer way of telling him _you're right_.

He sighed and plopped down exhaustedly, raising his fist into the air, no longer looking at me but fixing his gaze on his hand, twisting it ever so slowly for more of a distraction than anything, "So the same things as before, un?"

I glanced up at him slowly, he was trying to hide it but I could hear the hidden emotion in his voice. It was strange, I couldn't name the emotions but I knew they were there. I followed with my eyes to his wrapped arm raised in the air… was that what put him here? His symbol that he was a freak? I thought about asking him but it hurt him talking about why I was here so maybe it would be worse for his own reason? I lowered my gaze back to the wall, "Do conversations always go like this?"

"What do you mean?"

My brows furrowed, never looking at him, "Everybody speaks the truth, even if the answer is going to hurt them or the ones around them."

"No, people lie all the time. It's just… in here it's worse not knowing the truth. Even if it's painful, un." His voice was gruff, a lot lower than his other words spoken.

I looked up at him questioningly, he was still staring blankly at his arm, "I thought pain was the worst thing humans feel."

He slowly lowered his arm, sighing and sounding tired, "No, Danna. Not even close."

"What's worse then?" Hadn't pain been the worst thing for people to feel?

"It's different for other people, un. For me it's uncertainty. The feeling of not knowing in this place is like dying several times over." His voice sounded distant even though he was only a few feet from me. Weird how emotions could do that to something as definite as distance, making it seem so inconsistent.

"People can die more than once?"

He lifted up his head, smiling softly, only it wasn't a happy smile, more of that that was the only facial expression he would allow to be shown, even if it wasn't the true one, again people lie all the time, "No, you die once... well unless you're Hidan or Kakuzu. It was only figurative language."

I lowered my head back down, letting it sink in. Tsunade told me I wasn't programmed to understand figurative language but saying that to Deidara would only make him upset again and he was already sounding a bit unstable. "Why are Hidan and Kakuzu allowed to die more than once?"

He suddenly turned to where he was fully facing me and once again I saw that burning of sizzling fire once again in his icy eyes, "It's not that they're allowed. Here, you're never _allowed_, Danna, don't forget that. Those scientists in there telling you whatever it is they're telling you held them down whilst they injected them with things. For Hidan it was the experimental regenerative cells, slice his neck and he'll heal. For Kakuzu, his results showed that he was '_just right'_ for another experiment… they placed four extra hearts in his chest. Stab him in one and he has four others to survive off of. Wanna know how that's known? They _experimented_. Hidan and Kakuzu were never fucking asked if they wanted it, hell they weren't even given a chance to say no. Not when they were injected and not when they were killed for the first time." He got louder and louder throughout the entire speech, his anger becoming more prominent. He got up and stalked over to me, pulling me up to eye level with him, his hands bearing painfully into my shoulders. I hardly noticed though, because he was staring at me really intensely with his icy blue eyes, "So whatever the fuck it is that they're telling you, just know: you weren't the first they screwed up, and you're sure as hell not the last, not when there's so much _progress_ to be made. They tell you that you're not human but it's them! It's always fucking been them. I just can't wait for the day you find this out, un."

I swallowed and slowly lowered my gaze, his gaze making me squirm. Our conversation was so delicate, at first it was the simmering and underlying emotions then his passion boiled over. It made me uncomfortable because somewhere deep inside I _responded _to those words and I didn't even know what that meant. I only knew that my throat kept clutching and I felt like somebody was suffocating me only his hands weren't wrapped around my mouth but were on my shoulders making the feeling that much more confusing. "I don't want to go searching for anything." I managed to coarsely whisper, my throat feeling rough and dry.

Deidara's hands clenched to where his nails were stinging me painfully at the areas where his nails were digging into my skin. He leaned in closely, also letting go. He stopped once his mouth was at my ear and whispered, his warm breath brushing my neck and ear, "This is why you're breaking." He leaned back and when I looked up into his eyes I saw disgust, only it was directed towards me this time. I felt unable to breathe under his cold stare. Staring into his eyes, I felt as if my entire insides were rattling and like I was going to retch but I was frozen, able to do neither, only able to stare back with wide eyes, the only outlet in the confusion.

"I-I'm not broken." I partially whimpered. I really didn't like this. I had seen him angry and disgusted at other people but never to me. Seeing him like this felt painful and once again it wasn't an easily fixed physical pain.

He continued to look at me for a moment. "Not yet, but you will and when you do you'll go searching only to find you were too late in your search." It was cryptic. Had Tsunade said this it would've been fact but with Deidara it was more of a promise. One you never wanted to hear even here.

"Are you broken? Is that what's going to happen to me?" I looked into his eyes and heard him laugh darkly. He turned away and walked over to his bed, probably because he didn't want to be near me anymore, because I've disappointed him. Why did it hurt so much?

"I'm shattered, Danna, and there isn't someone who can fix me, un." He sat on his bed staring at me like he was seeing the cracks that weren't actually there. It actually made me want to run into the lab screaming for them to fix everything and anything that was wrong, to plead to lay back on the table and close my eyes in hopes of going back to sleep, to get away from this feeling… for the first time to get away from Deidara. However instead of bolting out the doors, I just absentmindedly dabbed at the cuts, aware that there was still a slight sting on my shoulder. Feeling a sticky substance, I numbly looked down, seeing that there was blood on my fingertips. _My_ blood. Right, that was reality. Looking at Deidara I forced myself to take several steps toward him and reached silently for his hand once again. I took hold of it and squeezed it. He looked up at me, some of the darkness leaving from his eyes as he watched me in a wary confusion. Did he feel like he had to be wary of me now?

Why have I only been awake for less than a week but felt so different from when I first awoke? Why was there already a raging war inside me…? I felt like I was going numb and there would be no rest, no breather. Exhaling deeply, I continued to look down at him in mutual silence for a few moments. This too was reality. A reality we shared but with different mentalities towards it. Maybe that was always our problem, he felt too much and I felt too little towards it all. If only things were different but then again I probably wouldn't be here then, would I? I gazed down at him, his long blond hair framing his once tan skin but was now paler after who knows how long he was away from the sun. The blue patient clothes looked rough and loose against his smooth skin, besides the bandages that still held the mystery of what was under them. I breathed deeply before speaking, "Whether they ask or don't ask they'll do things, but it's okay with me. After all, I was never supposed to wake up so this time I have awake… it's not mine." I smiled, feeling for the first time sadness and it felt _tiring_. This is what Tsunade had meant and only now did I fully understand. His face now distorted into pain, not for himself, but for me. I never let go of his hand and began to caress the bandage with my thumb, absentmindedly smiling a ghost smile at it, "You're different, Deidara. You knew of a life before this, but to me this is what it means to live." I looked back up at his torn face, "However I'm glad to have this time with you."

And that was it. We didn't have one of those conversations again for a long time. I stopped trying to recede into my previous state but neither did I try to progress forward into the world Deidara wanted me to. We were just now both trying to find comfort in each other's presence and at the knowledge that there was someone else, somebody completely different, but nonetheless somebody else. And for now that had to be enough, however things would change. And with that we would change, but it wasn't known to us yet. Right now, however, we had to be content with me calmly laying my cheek on his bed whilst I sat beside it as he fell asleep, listening to his even breathing.

Movement and low scuffling in the corner of the room caught my attention and after looking back at his sleeping figure, I got up to go over and look at it. There was a small creature that was scraping against the wall in an attempt to climb. I bent down to get a better look. It was a scorpion…

-xx-

**Okay so I know how that sounded like an ending, but it wasn't. THERE WILL BE MORE. You guys don't understand how much I wanted to write this from Deidara's POV, especially in the beginning when he was scrutinizing Sasori; however I feel like that's too soon. Would you guys want to read from Deidara's POV? Tell me in a review or something. Also I listened mostly to Evanescence- Hello the majority of the time, especially the ending, and if you guys know that song then you'll see the "I'm not broken" part.**

**Pshh let's see.. well if you liked this enough then review (or just have something to say)or follow or even favorite. Not necessary, but loved nonetheless. Well, for now, my Fellow Patients (see what I did there?) Don't kill anybody with your wands, unless you want. Who am I to boss?… okay. I'm officially, closing this and uploading before you guys hate me indefinitely.**


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